Fifty Shades of Gay
Coming out of the kinky closet.
As we all know, coming out of the closet isn't easy. Doubly so if yours is filled with handcuffs, whips and ball-gags. Whether you're married, newly coupled, or on the prowl, if you've got a fetish, it can be hard to figure out the best way to bring it up. But to achieve sexual satisfaction all of us - kinksters to missionary-lovers - need to have frequent, honest conversations with our partners about our sexual tastes whether it be what kind of lube we prefer or how hard we like to be flogged. So, here we go...
For the kinkster coming out…
1. Provide knowledgeable information about your fetish at the right time, in the right place. Don't just bust out of the bathroom dressed as a dominatrix on the first date.
2. Talk about your kink early-on in your relationship to prevent feelings of incompetence for your partner and to reduce risk of rejection. Remember it’s easier to speak honestly about sex over dinner instead of randomly demanding that she slap you and call you some choice names in the throes of passion.
3. Include your partner in your kink by explaining why she plays a crucial role in it. For example, if you like being tied up, explain to your partner how physical constraint allows for stronger orgasms or talk about how hot you think it would be to have her dominate you. Engaging your partner in your kink makes it a part of your sex life together rather than your individual “thing”.
For the non-kinky counterpart...
1. Listen to your partner's desires without judgment. It can be difficult to understand your partner's hidden wants as many people's kinks are the opposite of how they are in their daily, non-sexual lives – there's reason behind the stereotype that shy girls are professional Dominants and big powerful business men are the ones paying them to slap them around – fetishes help us express parts of ourselves that aren't expressed otherwise.
2. If you'd like to experiment with your partner's fetish, start small. Watch some tasteful, queer kinky porn like Crash Pad Series Volume 4: Rope Burn. Or try a smaller version of their kink. If she yearns for a twenty-four-hour Dom/sub relationship don't just throw on some leather and start swinging – incorporate a smaller, Dom/sub dynamic into your regular sex life first like eye-contact control – next time you have sex, don't allow her to look at you unless you give the okay. I said NO LOOKING!!
3. Educate yourself with pertinent reading like When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt or the Ultimate Guide to Kink edited by Tristan Taormino which covers everything from kinky terms 101 to fetishy personal stories.
4. Above all, be honest about your openness to your partner's fetish. If you're simply not into it, say so/say no.
Finally, if all parties involved find the newly revealed kinks super hot, get to shopping! GoodVibes.com has an entire Kinky Shopping Guide for Beginners while this particular fetishy femme is in lust with ASLAN Leather’s kinky Pink Candy line of collars, cuffs and gags (aslanleather.com).