How to Deal with a Straight Girl Crush
Here are some valuable pointers on how to protect yourself!
Many of us have done it at one time or another. We found ourselves bright eyed and bushy tailed over a straight girl. Well, I know I have. Why, oh why, do we do it to ourselves? Because it's taboo? It's a challenge? Or we just can't help ourselves because she is---well-- TOOOO DARN FINE!! Most likely it's--ALL OF THE ABOVE. The problem isn't so much in the "CRUSH" aspect of it--that's only natural--especially if she's sweet and REALLY your type. But the problem lies more in the hoping and wishing it's going to turn into something more than what it may eventually become.
Don't get me wrong, there have been many a straight girl that decided they REALLY liked the other side of the rainbow -- BUT, BUT BUT that's because there has always been an OPEN aspect of their sexuality to begin with. Either they had repressed it for a long time and are NOW willing to explore it--OR they were ALWAYS willing to explore it IF the opportunity arose--and KNOCK KNOCK--here YOU are!!
The new term floating around town is called "Sexual Fluidity" and I do like this term very much instead of all the ever changing LABELS. It simply describes that as people progress through life they are more open and "Fluid" in who they love or are attracted to--and the sex of the person is unimportant. But it's more the "CONNECTION" that drives them to be more intimate, without putting any kind judgment on themselves (LOVE IT!) I really enjoyed a CURVE piece about a young women Dominique Cowling's description of her personal 'Sexual Fluidity" experience-- see here:
Yes, this "Fluidity" thing does exist and Straight people can, and do change everyday--BUT there are also the many, many Straight people that stay EXACTLY the same. The same being strictly STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW. THIS is what you have to watch out for--are you fishing in a dead sea of straight girls, or do you have a live "Fluid" one on the line just dying to jump out--hopefully onto YOU!!!
1) Your efforts to acquire a real date with that straight cutie serving you a big smile with that Café au lait at your local coffee shop actually worked!! You were correct in your assumptions and actually HELPED the "straight" girl find what she's been missing (no not decaf! YOU!) And you guys run off and live happily ever after, sipping endless Café au laits (hopefully for free) while skipping off all high on love and caffeine into the sunset --hey, CAN happen!
2) OR-- You missed your mark dear --big frowny caps :(((--and you misunderstood her kindness and friendliness for "Flirting" (Honest mistake!) --and she politely says she's flattered but she is VERY happy playing on her home team. Hey, everybody strikes out sometimes. Just get RIGHT back into the game and go up to bat for someone else!
3) OR-- You offend her beyond belief because she is a staunch conservative--and makes a VERY BIG deal out of it by telling the entire universe about your terrible advances--and now you would like to run into the nearest mole hole you can squeeze into. No worries--you tried--she's just an uptight one and she really should've been a lot nicer about it.
4) OR--You can potentially ruin a good friendship. It's certainly understandable to develop crushes on friends, especially if you are going through a vulnerable time in your life. Hey, it can sometimes work--but it can also become an uncomfortable wedge and forever change your friendship when you cross over THAT LINE. Besides a true, GOOD friend is indeed hard to come by--so you'd better ask yourself if it's really worth the risk of losing someone so special in your life over a little "crush" that you KNOW is unrealistic. Your friend may also be very understanding about your "crush" on her, and just say with a kind smile that she is not interested ---and you guys go on as buddies with it never being mentioned again. It's simply a chance you take.
It may, however, be well worth taking the chance on LOVE, even if it means the possibility of the friendship ending. Especially if it's more than just a "crush," and you have fallen too deep for her. It certainly can work out--but if it doesn't, then it might be best to at least give it some time and her some distance until you are FULLY over her so you can resume the friendship again when you think you are ready. You may also decide that it's just NOT worth the constant heartache of resuming the friendship if you feel you can't get passed your strong feelings for her. HEY, YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS TOO YOU KNOW!
Now, let's talk about crossing THAT "DANGER" LINE for a moment. It's also called a "BOUNDARY LINE" which means that the LINE is VERY CLEAR and that you should think twice about crossing it--both ethically and emotionally.
If these lines listed below are present, then PROCEED WITH CAUTION--and it's probably best you move on to spare yourself or any one else a broken heart--or YOUR Broken bones!! AND it may be time to finally stop the self-deprecating torture and just bandage your bruised EGO--because that's ALL that was most likely damaged here--really unnecessarily.
Here are some "DANGEROUS BOUNDARY LINES" you should probably avoid crossing for your emotional--AND PHYSICAL well being!
1) Don't come on to someone if they are in a HAPPILY married relationship OR If they are in a good, committed relationship--you'll only cause unnecessary drama and hurt--and it's disrespectful and your friends will most likely lose a ton of respect for you as well. Do the RIGHT thing mate! Yes, I know she's cute--but aren't you a BETTER person than that? If she is SO worth it--then they'd break up and she'd be available for you!
2) TRY, TRY, TRY to avoid the ones who are TOTALLY into dudes--and rubberneck EVERY cute guy they see jogging by without a top on. Man--you've got TOTAL heartache there!! Now THAT is something you simply cannot compete with.
YEH ,YEH, we all know we are great in bed and can do everything a guy can do BLAH, BLAH, BLAH--but sexuality is more about what's going on upstairs than downstairs. I hate to say it--even Angelina Jolie isn't going to change that straight girl gay--or even bisexual (although I would place my bet on Angelina if anyone!) So, please save your strength --and your pride! You may get a late night inebriated "SORORITY FLING" out of this group but watch out for those possible nasty consequences there.
AND be careful you don't get sucked into the FANTASY of this "Fling" actually becoming your soul mate! Especially when the next morning they DENY it EVER happened and she looks deep into your eyes and you expect to hear the words-- "Oh Babe, THAT was the most Amazing NIGHT OF MY LIFE!" --but instead she turns to you and says--"You know I'm NOT GAY--and this was just a ONE time THING and it can NEVER happen again--do YOU understand?"
Of course you DON'T when you stare back at her with utter bewilderment since only a few, short hours ago she was devouring every part of you up like you were the LAST ice cream cone on a hot, deserted island! OH, I just LOVE those types! You can be sure your cell phone number was deleted the minute you left (or was chased out, ripped jeans and underwear still in hand!) BIG CAPS FROWNY, AND PISSED OFF LINES THERE (and maybe a bit of crying) /:<<<--Hey, happens to the best of us curious capers! JUST MOVE ON SISTA--HER LOSS INDEED! But at least you got a fun night out of it!
3) Be weary of the straight girl "TEASERS and TAKERS" who just LOVE all your attention--and RENT money--when the ONLY THING you're ever likely to get back is a smile. Save your time, energy and YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY for a date that might actually end in a kiss.
4) Be VERY Cautious of the RCC types "Religious Conservative Cuties" with the killer smile (and cute derriere!) OUCH!!! I felt that slap on your wrist wayyyy beforehand! And be careful of her huge football player boyfriend who is apt to key the words "You're going to Hell!" into the hood of your brand new convertible. Yes, you might want to steer clear of the ones who wear the cross bigger than their faces--they are just as quick to poke you with it if you get out of line! Hey, where is the sweet mercy there--is there ANY forgiveness for falling for such fineness!! Guess not.
5) Don't be too hard on yourself for falling for a straight cutie--hey, you're just a healthy lesbian flexing your muscles at a prospective mate--what's a good lesbian to do?! Just forget it and move on with a smile that you tried. Good for you for giving it a go! She was probably really flattered by it!
Yes, there is definitely something to be said of the thrill of finally capturing the HARD CATCH in the Sport of "Straight Girl fishing." BUT if you're like me --i.e. "been there, done that" with chasing after straight girls and are NOW ready for the REAL THING and someone who can FULLY be there FOR YOU emotionally and physically--THEN it may be time to pack up your fishing gear and go fishing in some gayer waters--where you will at least catch a potential mate! Yes, it gets REAL old REAL fast when you're chasing the unavailable. You might want to take a GOOD, hard look at YOURSELF if you continue to pursue someone who can't fulfil ALL your needs--perhaps there may be some commitment--or self-esteem issues there to work through??
It's also VERY hard when you either work with your UNREQUITED (not reciprocated) straight crush--or they are a close part of your circle of friends. Just know that you are FULLY capable of overcoming this crush if you have to--by being strong and knowing that you were perhaps MORE caught up in the FANTASY of what it was or what it could have BEEN--than the REALITY of what it truly was and could EVER be.
It helps to get over your straight crush by making a conscious effort to focus on other things--and set your sights on someone NEW who is more available to you--AND--is comfortably GAY!! No! it's NOT being boring--it's called making a HEALTHY choice that will most likely lead to a happy, lasting relationship! ALSO seek someone who wants the same things in a relationship as you--which is EXTREMELY important as well. You may also need to avoid your straight crush if you can--if you think it would help you to move on. Therapy can always be helpful with personal or relationship issues of ANY kind.
Soooo--on a more POSITIVE NOTE--- what do we do with this consuming "Straight Girl Crush" on the gal in the next cubicle who you THINK might WANT to swim upstream into YOUR queer cubicle? HMMMM...
Well, you can just go for it--and make obvious flirting "hints" to get a better "feel " (NOT that kind of feel!) for the situation. If this "straight girl" continues to be drawn to your delicious bait--well, then you've got yourself a live one and by all means continue your pursuit--but again--be CAREFUL!! It may be a small fish just testing out the gay waters for a bit--and don't EXPECT you both to swim off into the sunset JUST YET.
Start by asking her if she wants to join you for some coffee--or for lunch. Yes--think "Prince (Princess) Charming"--straight girls are old fashioned--and LOVE to be treated like a lady (door opening stuff) and she (like everyone) wants to be treated with RESPECT! And a warm smile and a sense of humor couldn't hurt either! Keep it light AND FUN! Oh, and you CAN pick up the tab on THIS ONE. It's great to be generous--however, don't play Santa Claus for too long to her AND HER FRIENDS--especially if you're starting to feel you're being taken advantage of. If you don't feel that way--do what makes YOU happy (if YOU can AFFORD IT!)--but don't expect ANYTHING in return when you give--and NO ONE IS OBLIGATED TO GIVE SOMEONE SEX NO MATTER HOW MUCH IS GIVEN TO THEM!!!
When she shows you some serious GREEN LIGHTS to go forward-- STILL GO SLOW ANYWAY--AGAIN THINK PRINCE (PRINCESS) CHARMING and, believe me, you can tell if you both have some strong chemistry going--if it feels like there is an electric charge between you guys like a lighting bolt that just NEEDS TO BE RELEASED!
You can then start with a nice, soft kiss somewhere romantic like at the beach, on park bench under a shady tree or behind the barnyard after petting some horses (hopefully she doesn't have allergies!) So be creative Prince (Princess) charming! And DO NOT forget the tender good-bye kiss--that will tease her to the point where she cannot WAIT to see you again--and hopefully SHE will be the one WHO RIPS YOUR CLOTHES OFF THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET!!
But, again, she could ALSO be the timid type and be a little nervous and scared trying something so new, different and DARING, especially if YOU are her FIRST--so go easy tiger or else you're liable to get a cave woman club over de head!! Remember--RESPECT HER--as YOU would want to be respected!
There is always the chance that you may have misread your fair maiden for a willing herring --and she, unfortunately, ended up being a big, nasty shark in a tight dress that you HAD to untangle yourself from and THROW BACK into the sea of straightness as fast as you can! My mom always told me the old saying-- "When in doubt--don't!" But I know sometimes it's only human to think that we are capable of changing someone--but that someone has to be willing to CHANGE themselves FIRST! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS--I have always found them to be right. BUT, I will say, sometimes our GAYDAR can be off at times--especially on cloudy days.
So if you have a straight girl crush and there are no "Dangerous" boundary lines to cross --by all means, GO AHEAD AND CROSS OVER! And if you're uncertain--flirt your head off with her until she can't help but notice--and perhaps SHE might even be daring enough to cross over that line HERSELF!! Then you know you're in. THEN ENJOY IT TIGER!! And FEAST, FEAST away on your WELL EARNED Straight Crush! I'm SO sure she won't mind being deliciously devoured by your unbridled, animalistic passion!!
But remember, it's always Risky Business fishing in the "Straight Pool" of little fishes--because with a TRUE straight girl there just isn't enough charm--or sexual circus feats that will turn that TRUE straight gal completely gay--or even just "a little" gay. JUST LIKE there is NO turning a TRUE GAY person completely straight or just "a little" straight (so I've been continuously told by my CONFIRMED straight and GAY pals.) They would have to be a sexually "FLUID" person or comfortably Bisexual to GO THERE. Besides, like I said before--sexuality is more in the mind (and our genes) than in our sexual anatomy. You may be able to convince anyone to give it a try ONLY ONCE--or TWICE perhaps--but you can't convince someone into being completely gay--its just NOT in their biological make up.
There are also others who might be Bi-curious or even a confirmed Bisexual--BUT some of them may have already made the decision that they will ONLY COMMIT to a Straight relationship if they are still STUCK in conservative beliefs--or what they believe is a more acceptable lifestyle in society. A "lifestyle" that they are MORE COMFORTABLE living--or one that pleases their conservative family or friends.
Many closeted people haven't evolved yet, and just cannot get past their private or public opinions--even though they may be secretly VERY into their own sex. It is a shame indeed--BUT unless you are a licensed therapist--or a Saint-- it's really not YOUR job to fix them. You might want to think twice about taking on that LONG tedious job--that, by the way, doesn't always lead to the reward you seek (them adoring you.) Yes, there IS a TIME LIMIT to these things--and THAT I cannot tell you--you will JUST KNOW. BUT if I HAD to make a suggestion I would say give it a few months if they are confused and you want to be patient and support them. Then its really up to them to make a decision! Now, In the case of a person EXPLORING their sexuality--they STILL may NOT be all that emotionally available and are maybe JUST trying it out on YOU for FUN--or to EXPERIMENT with--as long as you KNOW what you're getting into.
Hey, if you want to be her "EXPERIMENT" be my guest--or should I say be HER GUEST--but again, be prepared for the possibility of your blocked texts or unanswered phone calls when you want to reminisce about the blissful night you just shared. You should then MOVE on until she gets her emotions and SEXUALITY together--if she ever does. Unless you believe in reincarnation and are willing to devote and SACRIFICE this ENTIRE precious life of yours into making THIS person love you. I can't think of a more creative waste of time and energy--DON'T DO IT TO YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE BETTER AND TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO FULLY LOVES AND IS AVAILABLE FOR YOU --TO CALL YOUR OWN! AND also, don't expect your family and buddies to keep bailing you out emotionally every time you go trespassing past those DANGEROUS BOUNDARY LINES.
Only until YOU fully believe that YOU ARE DESERVING of having someone who is available to LOVE YOU to the fullest degree-- will choose those who will not continue to hurt or use you--straight or not. Yes, the old saying still stands "You have to love yourself FIRST before you can love someone else"--OR at least begin to choose your right mates! Another person will NOT make you happy--but yes, they can make you happier--IF THEY ARE AVAILABLE and WANT to do that. Yes, try YOUR BEST to choose wisely.
So will all this info stop your wild "Straight Girl" fishing ways? Most likely NOT until you get bitten real bad by a nasty, straight shark in a tight dress--and then you'll eventually go swimming back all wounded to be cared for by someone who truly wants you in an ocean where you are more welcome and can give you what you truly NEED and DESERVE--TO BE LOVED! With a LOVE that can possibly lead to a beautiful, life-long commitment-- if that is what YOU seek. Be OPTIMISTIC--your love is indeed waiting for you somewhere out there--I promise! Be patient--BUT DON'T BE TOO SHY! *Curve personals are a great place to look!
So have fun Straight Fishing my bold, ambitious--and DARING FRIENDS, but my advice still stands-- unless that straight guppy is heading your way--go find a BIG, GAY POND filled with ton of WONDERFUL AND WILLING rainbow fish to choose from and catch yourself a REAL WINNER--that's yours to KEEP!