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Ask The Expert: When Is The Right Time To Call Her?

Confused on what to say when texting a potential date first?


Dear Carol,

I met a woman the other night at a work conference and there was definitely some flirting going on between the two of us and at the end of the evening she gave me her phone number and said text me.  I am a little uncomfortable as to what to say and how long to wait and don’t want my text to be misread or come across as wishy washy.  I am a little nervous as to what to say and what is appropriate. Please help!


Wishy, Washy


Dear Wishy, Washy

I completely understand your dilemma and I am a strong believer in the “art of communication” and prefer a phone conversation over text.  However: texting definitely has its place and is a great way to send a quick message or stay in touch throughout the day. I am happy to help and give you 3 easy tips on texting protocol:

  1. She has given you her number the most important thing is just to reach out and do it at a normal hour and shortly after you have met her. Don’t wait days to do it. Make it short sweet and to the point “it was great meeting you the other night are you available for a drink after work on Thurs?”
  2. Don’t interview her through a text and come across as pushy. It should be like a ping pong game you sent the first text now the ball is in her court wait for her to send it back.
  3. Don’t over think your response time or theirs ... not everybody is available to text right away they could be in a meeting or worried about sounding over eager. Reply as soon as you can and make sure to check your grammar and spelling, it does matter.

Once you have your first date and meet face to face all the pressure will be off and the fun will begin!



Carol Sugar-Burke is an Executive Matchmaker for NY’s premier gay and lesbian matchmaking service Bespoke Matchmaking. For more information on Bespoke Matchmaking and to learn about our matchmaking service please click to visit our website, www.bespokematchmaking.com.

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